The Naked Crime Fighter


To be honest the title of today’s instalment is a little bit off the mark, but not enough for it to be click bait, but it does sound better than the semi-naked crime fighter.

So, just who is this naked fighter of crime?

Me.

It was Wednesday night and I was retiring to my bed when I saw headlights shining from the rear of my neighbour’s property. Now the property in question is empty as they’re having building work completed at the moment so this car raises my suspicions. I opened a window and could hear voices over the running engine. So I leapt into action and grabbed a pair of pyjama bottoms and a torch and exited the house at speed to confront the assumed thieves. As I ran along the lane I realised that shoes or at least slippers would have been a good idea, but it’s too late now.

I arrive at the house and the vehicle’s headlights illuminate two bemused looking Italian men, who from their point of view are being approached by a semi-naked man in pyjama bottoms waving a torch and looking like he’s escaped from a high security mental health establishment.

“What’s going on?” I say, trying to sound in control yet now realising this could probably be the most stupid thing I’ve ever done. They then smile, big toothy grins that threaten to slice their faces in two, “We’re here delivering sand for the builder.” Is their reply.

I smile too, say something inane along the lines of, “Okay, have a good evening,” and shuffle back up the lane, vowing to give up crime fighting, now knowing that I’ve given two delivery men something joke about in the bar.

Oh the shame…

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4 thoughts on “The Naked Crime Fighter

  1. Good on you everyone needs good neighbors and rural crime appears rife out there. I am soon to settle in a house near Villa Santa Maria and have heard of burglaries that rock the village as crime is so rare
    Regards
    Frank

    • Hi Frank, the crime rate here is very low, mostly petty crime like wood stealing, or vegetable rustling, but a builders lot is not a happy one as the builder is like a magnet to those needing a bag of cement or a few roof tiles. It’s petty but infuriating, we even caught a guy in his 80’s stealing a bag of cement when we did our restoration. His excuse was, ‘well everyone does it.’

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